Funny Meaning!

Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
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Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
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Marriage :It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
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Divorce :Future tense of marriage
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Lecture :An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
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Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
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Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
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Tears :The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower.. .
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Dictionary :A place where divorce comes before marriage.
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Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
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Ecstasy :A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
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Classic :A book which people praise, but do not read.
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Smile :A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
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Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
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Yawn :The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
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Etc :A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
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Committee :Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
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Experience :The name men give to their mistakes.
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Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
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Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
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Diplomat :A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
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Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
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Optimist :A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.
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Pessimist :A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
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Miser :A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
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Father : A banker provided by nature.
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Criminal :A guy no different from the rest… except that he got caught.
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Boss :Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
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Politician :One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
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Doctor :A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.